Power, Control & Bullying
Power, control and the seeds of bullying
I have wanted to write a book about the need for power and control that animals innately have and pursue. Even in my preliminary search, I found no books and only a few research articles that broach the subject. Maybe that should tell me something about the topic. Despite the possible conclusions regarding the scarcity of books on the subject, someday I will finish writing my book about power and the need for it in most animals, including humans. But for now, suffice it that I will write an essay on the need for power and control and the relationship to the development of bullying behavior.
First, let’s review the definition of bullying by the Godfather of bullying research; Daniel Olweus in his groundbreaking research concluded, [a bully demonstrates] “continued unwanted aggressive acts between one or more persons upon another with a real or perceived power differential.”
The next element of my formula to making a bully is power and control. In child development theory, autonomy is a characteristic of a relatively early stage of development. In fact, Jean Piaget theorizes that as early as late infancy, 6 – 8 months, children are already investigating the power they have over their environment. If you have children you have probably done this dance with your little one, they are sitting in their high chair eating when they drop their utensil on the floor. You pick it up and put it back in her hand and she drops it again. It may get annoying after 3 or 4 times but your daughter is testing her power, experimenting with her surroundings and some cause and effect. Erikson, a student of Freud, believed that around 4 years old, maybe sooner, a child comes to the “crisis” of autonomy vs. self-doubt. This is a crucial time in Erikson’s theory. It suggests that the psychosocial surroundings in a child’s life will both foster and build on the autonomous behaviors he exhibits, or he will be stifled and left with feelings of self-doubt about his abilities, judgment and understandings. For example, if a child gets dressed and the parent criticizes their choices, if they are on the wrong feet or the shirt is inside out, it is possible the child will feel self-doubt and be apprehensive about making choices in the future – if that happens a couple times, self-doubt will take over and this negative resolution will affect later stages of development.
How these theories of development can be applied to power, control and bullying is the topic of this essay. Children younger than one year old have the core of autonomy borne into them and the loss of that quality is terrifying and is held onto with determination. Anytime I try to take control of the simplest tasks that my 3 year old wants to finish, he will scream and be dead set on doing it. Heck, even when he gets his way, he has to get his way, HIS way. I will use examples to illustrate the connections and how the need and loss of power and control influences bullying.
These connections relate to the development of bullying in a variety of ways. Among the ways include findings Olweus made 30 years ago:
Pamela Smith and her colleagues at Radboud University in Nijmegen,
Holland, studied cognitive function in people made temporarily powerful
or powerless in an experiment (Smith et al., 2008). The participants
were randomly assigned to be a ‘superior’ or a ‘subordinate’ in a
computer-based task. The superior would not only direct the subordinate,
but would also evaluate them. This evaluation formed the basis for
how much subordinates would be paid for taking part in the study, the
superiors being paid a fixed amount. Even though this was an experiment,
the subordinates really did experience some powerlessness, and the
superiors, power (v.26, Mar 2013).
Furthermore, in those same studies, the researcher identified that power – more specifically – the facial signals sent to the person imposing their power by the target, seemed to light up the areas of the brain associated with dopamine release. The exertion of power gives the person a feeling of intoxication or sexual satisfaction. A powerful article in The Atlantic [https://www.theatlantic.com/magazine/archive/2017/07/power-causes-brain-damage/528711/ ] , echoes those findings nearly a decade later with neuroscience. In the article, transcranial-magnetic-stimulation in human brains found that people who are in positions of power show that the part of the brain associated with “mirroring” – the process crucial in the development of empathy – is blocked by, mostly, dopamine. The more power I have, the less likely I am to be able to feel empathy for others.
The most recent push for bully prevention and the ending of bullying behavior in the workplace and in schools is the bystander. The bystander acts in place of the buffer that empathy provides. I may not have the cognitive or behavioral ability to stop my victimizing behavior but if another person steps in and acts like that buffer – I am likely to stop. The fear in bystanders is that they will become targets of the bully – it is possible but unlikely if there are more bystander interrupters.
What this information all means in terms of preventing or ending bullying is that the development of a bully is psychosocial, neurological and therefore, it can be concluded that the bully is as much a victim as the targets they choose to victimize. We may have a social need for power, a biochemical need for power, and having it feels really good to the brain. But, if children can learn to moderate that good feeling by understanding autonomy and having feelings of power and control early on in life, they are less likely to grasp for it later on when they have no idea how to wield it. Parents need to be role models, provide developmentally appropriate opportunities for autonomy and teach their children how to wield their autonomy to help others.
The drive for power is a strong one. It is a drive that has primitive roots and can cause cognitive euphoria in a person. Bullying has a long past but can have a shorter future if we as parents, teachers and adults can provide our children with role models of empathy, opportunities for autonomy and guidance on how to handle being in a position of power gracefully.
I have wanted to write a book about the need for power and control that animals innately have and pursue. Even in my preliminary search, I found no books and only a few research articles that broach the subject. Maybe that should tell me something about the topic. Despite the possible conclusions regarding the scarcity of books on the subject, someday I will finish writing my book about power and the need for it in most animals, including humans. But for now, suffice it that I will write an essay on the need for power and control and the relationship to the development of bullying behavior.
First, let’s review the definition of bullying by the Godfather of bullying research; Daniel Olweus in his groundbreaking research concluded, [a bully demonstrates] “continued unwanted aggressive acts between one or more persons upon another with a real or perceived power differential.”
The next element of my formula to making a bully is power and control. In child development theory, autonomy is a characteristic of a relatively early stage of development. In fact, Jean Piaget theorizes that as early as late infancy, 6 – 8 months, children are already investigating the power they have over their environment. If you have children you have probably done this dance with your little one, they are sitting in their high chair eating when they drop their utensil on the floor. You pick it up and put it back in her hand and she drops it again. It may get annoying after 3 or 4 times but your daughter is testing her power, experimenting with her surroundings and some cause and effect. Erikson, a student of Freud, believed that around 4 years old, maybe sooner, a child comes to the “crisis” of autonomy vs. self-doubt. This is a crucial time in Erikson’s theory. It suggests that the psychosocial surroundings in a child’s life will both foster and build on the autonomous behaviors he exhibits, or he will be stifled and left with feelings of self-doubt about his abilities, judgment and understandings. For example, if a child gets dressed and the parent criticizes their choices, if they are on the wrong feet or the shirt is inside out, it is possible the child will feel self-doubt and be apprehensive about making choices in the future – if that happens a couple times, self-doubt will take over and this negative resolution will affect later stages of development.
How these theories of development can be applied to power, control and bullying is the topic of this essay. Children younger than one year old have the core of autonomy borne into them and the loss of that quality is terrifying and is held onto with determination. Anytime I try to take control of the simplest tasks that my 3 year old wants to finish, he will scream and be dead set on doing it. Heck, even when he gets his way, he has to get his way, HIS way. I will use examples to illustrate the connections and how the need and loss of power and control influences bullying.
These connections relate to the development of bullying in a variety of ways. Among the ways include findings Olweus made 30 years ago:
- Bullies are often being bullied. This role is sometimes misnamed “Bully-Victim”. They become the products of a lack of power and control over their lives.
- The Bully more or less passes down the bullying but mostly in the same environment – although bullies are often victimized at home by parent, siblings, neighbor kids, when a bully gets bullied by someone in school, they then find someone to pass it down, at the school. So, a kid gets bullied at school and has the power and control over their lives taken from them. Then they look around to find someone to try and gain control and power back – sometimes even the teacher. [This is also the bullying behavior that parents sometimes know nothing about – when the teacher tells them that their child is the bully they are sincerely taken aback. A very good episode of Everybody Loves Raymond was on this topic.] With the teacher however, is where the power differential comes in. A child at school might attempt to grab power back from the teacher by defying them or the rules, maybe even knowing that the teacher might have a low level of power over them. Have you ever heard [or maybe it was you] someone says that “kids have all the power” and that children, “have no respect for adults including teachers”? It may be in response to a total lack of power elsewhere in their lives. But then, a teacher exerts his or her power and all is right with the world again – except the child still feels powerless and so it might turn outward to a sibling, the parents or even themselves. In any case, not being positively responsive to the child’s need for autonomy, power and control can have negative effects.
- In the effort to end bullying and prevent it in the future – give children power and control to a developmentally appropriate degree and foster the feelings of autonomy and they will be less likely to 1) fall prey to a bully and/or, 2) become a bully.
- Bullies choose targets where there is a power differential.
- Intuitive idea isn’t it? Of course a bully would choose a target that isn’t as big or as strong as they are, or they find someone who doesn’t have the social cache they have and use it against them or they have the numbers to overpower someone. The bully has lost power and seeks to grab it where she can, with the least amount of work. When a pride of lionesses look at a herd of wildebeest on the savannah, they don’t find the biggest, strongest male – they find a weak adolescent or even smaller. When a car prowler is choosing cars to break into, they look for unlocked ones – then they might choose a car they have to jimmy into – but they choose the easiest target. It’s in our nature. Heck, even an organism as small as an iguana stands very still until a fly comes close, then *snatch* it’s eaten. Children are seeking power when they have had theirs taken from them. When we blame the parents for their inability to “control” their child who has become a bully, we aren’t completely off the mark. However, the influence over the child’s bully behavior needed to happen many years prior to them externalizing their behavior.
- If a parent, or parents, can give the child plenty of developmentally appropriate opportunities to exercise their autonomy, they will be less likely to feel the need to bully others. In addition, giving children the opportunity to exercise their autonomy gives the parents opportunities to teach empathy, compassion and charity. For example, one of my sayings to my 7 year old when it comes to his younger (3 years old) brother is, “you will have several opportunities to be nice to your brother. Take them.” When the child can feel the benefit of autonomously being kind to others and the effect it has on the other person, they are less likely to bully because they empathize and sympathize.
- Bullying is an inextricable part of growing up.
- I would concede that peer victimization has been a part of human existence in general. But I think that is relevant because the desire for power and control in animals in general may be intrinsic to all living things. Richard Dawkins wrote a book called, “The Selfish Gene.” In it he relates our existence and evolution to the idea that what persists is the selfish gene – the one that has to succeed for the organism to survive and thus it becomes more fine-tuned over time. Thus, what some may see as the perfect conditions under which humans exists, is actually, the perfect humans to exist under these conditions. If they could not exist – they would not exist. Bullying is similar because bullies exist because they need to exist. Take away the need to exist and they no longer need to exist.
- As a result of my research and experience, bullying develops as a result of the child having feelings of powerlessness and a lack of autonomy and control over their lives. Bullying another, weaker, child, gives the bully back some of the power they should have gotten a good hold of by the time they were 7 years old. Incidentally, the older a child gets, the more they hanker for power and control and the lack of it becomes more desperate. It seems that the pain of a lack of control gets worse and worse and therefore the grab for it becomes more and more violent physically, psychologically and emotionally. Read the headlines about, mostly, teens being bullied, literally, to death by suicide.
Pamela Smith and her colleagues at Radboud University in Nijmegen,
Holland, studied cognitive function in people made temporarily powerful
or powerless in an experiment (Smith et al., 2008). The participants
were randomly assigned to be a ‘superior’ or a ‘subordinate’ in a
computer-based task. The superior would not only direct the subordinate,
but would also evaluate them. This evaluation formed the basis for
how much subordinates would be paid for taking part in the study, the
superiors being paid a fixed amount. Even though this was an experiment,
the subordinates really did experience some powerlessness, and the
superiors, power (v.26, Mar 2013).
Furthermore, in those same studies, the researcher identified that power – more specifically – the facial signals sent to the person imposing their power by the target, seemed to light up the areas of the brain associated with dopamine release. The exertion of power gives the person a feeling of intoxication or sexual satisfaction. A powerful article in The Atlantic [https://www.theatlantic.com/magazine/archive/2017/07/power-causes-brain-damage/528711/ ] , echoes those findings nearly a decade later with neuroscience. In the article, transcranial-magnetic-stimulation in human brains found that people who are in positions of power show that the part of the brain associated with “mirroring” – the process crucial in the development of empathy – is blocked by, mostly, dopamine. The more power I have, the less likely I am to be able to feel empathy for others.
The most recent push for bully prevention and the ending of bullying behavior in the workplace and in schools is the bystander. The bystander acts in place of the buffer that empathy provides. I may not have the cognitive or behavioral ability to stop my victimizing behavior but if another person steps in and acts like that buffer – I am likely to stop. The fear in bystanders is that they will become targets of the bully – it is possible but unlikely if there are more bystander interrupters.
What this information all means in terms of preventing or ending bullying is that the development of a bully is psychosocial, neurological and therefore, it can be concluded that the bully is as much a victim as the targets they choose to victimize. We may have a social need for power, a biochemical need for power, and having it feels really good to the brain. But, if children can learn to moderate that good feeling by understanding autonomy and having feelings of power and control early on in life, they are less likely to grasp for it later on when they have no idea how to wield it. Parents need to be role models, provide developmentally appropriate opportunities for autonomy and teach their children how to wield their autonomy to help others.
The drive for power is a strong one. It is a drive that has primitive roots and can cause cognitive euphoria in a person. Bullying has a long past but can have a shorter future if we as parents, teachers and adults can provide our children with role models of empathy, opportunities for autonomy and guidance on how to handle being in a position of power gracefully.